Arts Lab 7.0: Salma Hussein | Month II - A journey of self-discovery… and unexpected surprises!

They always say that the first step is the hardest one in any journey, but for me, it was the opposite. The second month of my experience here was actually the toughest, in terms of workload and pressure. I had to find a balance between my mental health, my work, and my ability to handle stress. I surprised myself in many ways, and it surprised me too, and that’s what I’m going to talk about today.

Findings: There are certain things that, when we stop experiencing them for a long time, we start to believe we’ve overcome them or fixed them within ourselves. But this month, I was surprised to realize that I’m still the same person who breaks down under pressure and stress, no matter what kind it is.

At the same time, I’m grateful that I went through this kind of experience, because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have discovered something even more important: that I’m not alone.

When I broke down after having to redo my personal artwork several times, because each time, something new went wrong and it didn’t meet the standards I’d set for myself, I always found people around me who supported me, comforted me, and reminded me that everything would be okay, that things were simpler than I made them out to be.

The difference this time compared to last month was that I actually accepted the help and love that came my way. I didn’t reject them like I usually do, thinking I have to handle everything on my own. And because of that, I became not only a better friend but also a better artist. I started to accept help, to listen more, and to let rational words sink in, even when I was at my lowest.

I realized that no one can go through life alone, and that we are truly a family here. We’ll go through many hard times, but we should never stop standing by each other, helping one another, and being kind and gentle with each other. When I allowed help and love to come in through the window, I, too, became a more loving and giving person to those around me, because I could finally see what they do for me and how much they deserve love and compassion.

I also discovered that working with someone doing the same thing as you is not boring at all, as I used to think. On the contrary, it’s enjoyable, especially when you find common ground and realize that each of you has something unique to offer, even if you’re both doing the same task. That’s exactly what happened in the clay workshop that Monica and I led together. I found out how fun and easy it is to work with her, and at the same time, how much you can learn from her. She has this way of simplifying things without taking away from their value.

Another thing I learned is that every time I face pressure or stress, I react differently. The pressure I felt during the residency was different from what I experienced while working on my personal artwork, and both were different from the stress of the on-arrival meetings, which was a lighter, yet distinct kind of tension. That one brought out the version of me from my school and university exam days, which made me reflect on how I used to handle stress back then versus how I handle it now, and the differences in my reactions and behavior in both situations.

Facts: I discovered a lot of facts this month that made me see things from a different perspective. For example, I realized that even seemingly boring or routine moments can actually turn out to be full of value, just like what happened during the on-arrival meetings.

Waking up early and attending online meetings that made me lose focus and drift off wasn’t exactly the best experience. But on the other hand, I ended up making friends from different countries. We decided to travel together and visit each other, which made us brave. Even some of the things that were said during those meetings stayed with me, like a certain exercise, a piece of advice, or even a joke. So in the end, it turned out to be a really enjoyable time, especially considering it was all online, I honestly didn’t expect it to have such an impact on me.

Also, while preparing for my personal artwork, I received so much support, different opinions, and help, from people like Monica and Anes, who gave me creative ideas on how to make my box even better.

Even during my collaboration with Marah in the workshop with the kids at the House of Culture, I realized that when you do something you love with someone else, the whole experience becomes richer, more vibrant, and full of diverse ideas.

And in our other collaboration, when I took part in Marah’s personal artwork and danced contemporary spiritual dance for the first time in my life, it was a completely new experience for me. It brought out a different, braver side of me, one that’s more open to trying new things without feeling the need to get everything right from the very first attempt.er and more open to expanding our circle of connections.

And after trying so many new things for the first time this month, I’m truly proud of myself, proud that I wasn’t the kind of person who let fear control her. Every time I felt scared, I still chose to take the step and give myself the chance not to run away from facing things.

I’m also proud that I handled the responsibility of working on two projects at the same time. I gave up hours of my sleep and rest to train with Marah for her dance piece and to help her with her project, while everyone else was only focused on their own personal work. I took responsibility for the choice I made, to support someone else in bringing their vision to life, and in doing so, I learned new things, opened my heart even more to new experiences, and became someone who’s braver and more open than before.

Feelings: My emotions this month were completely unstable. I constantly felt tense and overwhelmed by the pressure of having to choose an idea for my personal artwork, something that truly represented me and that I could also execute within a short time.

Every time I came up with an idea, I’d study it and then realize it was too difficult to carry out, so I’d have to start all over again looking for a new one. That cycle drained my energy and effort, which only made me even more stressed.

When I finally started working on my project, I felt a sense of relief, mainly because I already knew from the beginning what kind of interactive part I wanted to include. That gave me a bit of calm at first, at least I had a clear idea.

But the actual process of creating it was stressful at every moment for me, because I always want everything to be perfect, and I struggle to accept my own mistakes. That’s where it became really hard, my emotions were constantly conflicted between knowing that it’s impossible to create something completely perfect because there’s no such thing as perfect art and, at the same time, feeling that as an artist, I should always be doing more, creating more, reaching for better. So I had to find some sense of satisfaction, even if just a small one, to get through that stressful period. And that sense of peace started to come when the people around me gave me emotional support, when they told me they liked my project and appreciated what I had done. That encouragement helped calm me down and made me feel much more at ease.

My feelings during the exhibition weren’t hard to understand, because I wasn’t nervous about presenting my project in front of a new audience for the first time, quite the opposite. I actually felt a sense of familiarity and connection, as if I was creating something inspired by their own heritage and sharing a part of them with them.

What really made me anxious was my participation in Marah’s dance performance, because it was an improvised piece and we’d only had a few days of rehearsal. I felt a kind of pressure, I didn’t want to ruin her project, and at the same time, I was performing a style of dance very different from what I was used to. So I felt both excited and nervous, not because of facing the audience, I’m already used to that, but because I was trying something completely new that I hadn’t had much time to prepare for.

Still, I also felt proud, proud of myself and of Marah. I had witnessed the whole process from the very beginning, and seeing it all come together filled me with pride and emotion. It was a mix of so many feelings that I needed a few days afterward to sit with myself and really process them all.

Future:  The immediate future that I can clearly see right now is the Jemom Museum. I want to put everything I learned from the Folklore Museum experience into it, to fix the mistakes I made before and to keep improving myself even more. So what I plan to do is start working with the clay much earlier this time, so I have enough time to put it in the kiln and fire it properly. This time, I’m also planning to do more research than I did before. Last time, it was easier for me to find ideas because I had visited different places and looked through books that helped complete the picture for me, like fitting together pieces of a puzzle.

But this time, we haven’t had the same kinds of experiences, we didn’t visit as many places or meet as many people as before. So it will take more effort on my part to find an idea that truly reflects who I am and allows me to be creative, whether it’s for my personal artwork or for the residency project.

This monthly report was written by Salma Hussein, our Egyptian volunteer taking part in a seven-month Arts Lab 7.0 mobility, co-funded by the European Union under the European Solidarity Corps.